How to have unsuccessful online business- exclusive tutorial

Zuzu. I'm back and this time I've decided to write a tutorial "How to have unsuccessful online business". So I'll create a list with thing you have to do. This list will be based on my personal experience in this branch.
Ok first you have to accept the idea that oyu are slightly retarded, otherwise it is going to be a bit harder to follow my instructions. And now will describe the green way of your business in few steps:

Step 1 - Learn to be lazy and unorganized (easiest one). This skills will help you at basic level to fuck up part of your business.

Step 2 - Watch Uwe Bolls movies...helps somehow.

Step 3 - Start flooding in forums about the product you are offering. It is fucking annoying.

Step 4 - Be intolerant, try to abuse everyone wherever you are writing.

Step 5 - Update your website or blog every 2 years and add 1000000 banners everyday.

Step 6 - Try to write so nobody can understand you. And write about interesting topics -like weather, women's football etc.

Step 7 - And of course you have to express your useless oppinion in some blackhat forums...it is important to sounds like you have experiance and you know everything, no matter you still don't have your own website.

Step 8 - You have to be convinced that you can trick google and yahoo.. compared with you they are morons. You rock.

Step 9 - When you go outside be careful FBI party van is somewhere and wants your ass, because you are online criminal with 30-40 $ in your bank account.

Step 10 - Watch "Titanic" 3 times.

Ok now repeat and fulfil the plan in this order.